The gamble to recording random shit off of cable is that every once and a while you pick a bomb. These bad decisions tend to hang around like a bad case of herpes until you finally decide to watch it. So until I get around to reviewing Monte Hellman's fantastic Two-Lane Blacktop, we'll look back at the ones that should have been keepers.
Exhibit A.
Foul Play
I have random memories of this Goldie Hawn/Chevy Chase comedy from my childhood, especially the scene of Dudley Moore turning his apartment into the ultimate sexy bachelor pad when he thinks he's going to score with Goldie. But that is all I can ever remember about it. Well, that and the scene with Billy Barty (I was a big fan of John Byner's Bizarre as a kid). So watching it now, Foul Play does not hold up AT ALL. Firstly, Chevy Chase is barely in it, and try as he might, he is not in allowed to work to his strengths. This is a Goldie Hawn vehicle first and foremost. But sadly, nothing very funny happens. Aside from Dudley Moore busting out his Murphy Bed of Love and obliviously seducing Goldie.
Brian Dennehey shows up as a cop, of course, and he's Chevy Chase's partner, which is a buddy-movie I'd pay to see. But alas, it was not to be. Instead we get a boring "homage" to Hitchcock, years after Mel Brooks did it better in High Anxiety. I wound up fast forwarding to the Chevy parts and even those failed to click. This was Chevy's first post-SNL film and it's odd that it took two years for it to happen. In its day this was a hit but viewing it now, it's incredibly boring and unfunny.
So lets chalk this up to nostalgia for the early-80's when any SNL cast member could do no wrong. I have a lot of time for that era and am still kicking myself for not buying that DVD of Goin' South when I saw it.
Exhibit B
Capricorn One
Elliott Gould. Orenthal James Simpson. James Brolin. Hal Holbrook. Telly Savalas. Karen Fucking Black! What went wrong?
Well, this turgid sci-fi thriller thinks it's All The President's Men for the Star Wars crowd. It's all about a Mars landing being faked a la the Stanley Kubrick/Moon Landing conspiracy. Which sounds interesting at first but the pace is sooooo damn slow that the film never gains speed. Brolin and The Juice play the put-on astronauts who get talked to death by government agent Hal Holbrook. Meanwhile Elliott Gould and Brenda Vacaro play two journalists who kind of discover that the Capricorn One mission is a fake. Or something. Merciful Jesus on a unicycle, Elliott Gould is wasted in this. If one actor personifies the 70's American New Wave, it's Elliott Gould. His run of films with Robert Altman is unfuckwithable amongst other stuff like Getting Straight (shot by Laszlo Kovacs!) or Little Murders (shot by Gordon Willis). Barfff. All I did was fast forward through it and barely saw any Gould. Just hours of Holbrook explaining the lame Mars landing conspiracy and Brolin and OJ looking shocked.
It makes sense that Peter Hyams directed this. He gets slack for attempting 2010: The Year We Made Contact but you can't make a silk purse out of Stanley Kubrick's sloppy seconds and you can't make Capricorn One a film that I'd sit through.
Exhibit C
The Lost Missile
Lets not mix words. I love Robert Loggia. Dude has been around forever playing hard-ons and pricks so when I saw Turner Classic Movies was showing a Loggia movie from the 50's, I had to record it. What was I thinking? Loggia didn't hit his stride until the 70's. But maybe this would be a cool pre-cursor to the Modern Loggia? No Greg, it's not. It's exactly what it says it is, a cheesy 50's sci-fi movie of the kind that TCM loves to fill time with between Bogie marathons and Jimmy Stewart retrospectives. Still, it was interesting to see a young, skinny, and leading man-type Loggia as opposed to Frank Lopez in Scarface. But this was so bad I gave up after 10 minutes, which felt like 40. I had to check imdb to be sure that Ed Wood didn't direct this thing.
Exhibit A.
Foul Play
I have random memories of this Goldie Hawn/Chevy Chase comedy from my childhood, especially the scene of Dudley Moore turning his apartment into the ultimate sexy bachelor pad when he thinks he's going to score with Goldie. But that is all I can ever remember about it. Well, that and the scene with Billy Barty (I was a big fan of John Byner's Bizarre as a kid). So watching it now, Foul Play does not hold up AT ALL. Firstly, Chevy Chase is barely in it, and try as he might, he is not in allowed to work to his strengths. This is a Goldie Hawn vehicle first and foremost. But sadly, nothing very funny happens. Aside from Dudley Moore busting out his Murphy Bed of Love and obliviously seducing Goldie.
Brian Dennehey shows up as a cop, of course, and he's Chevy Chase's partner, which is a buddy-movie I'd pay to see. But alas, it was not to be. Instead we get a boring "homage" to Hitchcock, years after Mel Brooks did it better in High Anxiety. I wound up fast forwarding to the Chevy parts and even those failed to click. This was Chevy's first post-SNL film and it's odd that it took two years for it to happen. In its day this was a hit but viewing it now, it's incredibly boring and unfunny.
So lets chalk this up to nostalgia for the early-80's when any SNL cast member could do no wrong. I have a lot of time for that era and am still kicking myself for not buying that DVD of Goin' South when I saw it.
Exhibit B
Capricorn One
Elliott Gould. Orenthal James Simpson. James Brolin. Hal Holbrook. Telly Savalas. Karen Fucking Black! What went wrong?
Well, this turgid sci-fi thriller thinks it's All The President's Men for the Star Wars crowd. It's all about a Mars landing being faked a la the Stanley Kubrick/Moon Landing conspiracy. Which sounds interesting at first but the pace is sooooo damn slow that the film never gains speed. Brolin and The Juice play the put-on astronauts who get talked to death by government agent Hal Holbrook. Meanwhile Elliott Gould and Brenda Vacaro play two journalists who kind of discover that the Capricorn One mission is a fake. Or something. Merciful Jesus on a unicycle, Elliott Gould is wasted in this. If one actor personifies the 70's American New Wave, it's Elliott Gould. His run of films with Robert Altman is unfuckwithable amongst other stuff like Getting Straight (shot by Laszlo Kovacs!) or Little Murders (shot by Gordon Willis). Barfff. All I did was fast forward through it and barely saw any Gould. Just hours of Holbrook explaining the lame Mars landing conspiracy and Brolin and OJ looking shocked.
It makes sense that Peter Hyams directed this. He gets slack for attempting 2010: The Year We Made Contact but you can't make a silk purse out of Stanley Kubrick's sloppy seconds and you can't make Capricorn One a film that I'd sit through.
Exhibit C
The Lost Missile
Lets not mix words. I love Robert Loggia. Dude has been around forever playing hard-ons and pricks so when I saw Turner Classic Movies was showing a Loggia movie from the 50's, I had to record it. What was I thinking? Loggia didn't hit his stride until the 70's. But maybe this would be a cool pre-cursor to the Modern Loggia? No Greg, it's not. It's exactly what it says it is, a cheesy 50's sci-fi movie of the kind that TCM loves to fill time with between Bogie marathons and Jimmy Stewart retrospectives. Still, it was interesting to see a young, skinny, and leading man-type Loggia as opposed to Frank Lopez in Scarface. But this was so bad I gave up after 10 minutes, which felt like 40. I had to check imdb to be sure that Ed Wood didn't direct this thing.
You didn't even mention the homicidal albino in Foul Play or "Kojak...Bang-Bang!"
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